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Captain Colin Allen
Won by 59 Runs
SOA 261 for 7 dec (James Florey 74, Graeme Coates 53, Sam Hicks 48*, Frankie Crouch 44)
XL Club 202 all out (Frankie Crouch 2 for 28, Hugo Cobham 2 for 30)
The Great SOA Cricketing Spectacle at the Valley of Rocks - A Tale of Heroics, Loaf, and Lunacy
Date: 20th August 2025
Venue: The Valley of Rocks – cricket’s answer to the Colosseum, only with more goats.
Crowd: Over 60 SOA supporters – the loudest, most excitable mob since the French Revolution.
The Presidential Peril
Before a single ball was bowled, the day nearly ended in tragedy.
The SOA President, gazing nobly across the Great North Cliffs, leaned just a smidge too far… and teetered.Gasps! Cries! A lady in a hat fainted!
But then — like a hawk descending upon its prey — Frankie Crouch flew across the grass, seized the Presidential blazer with both hands, and yanked Colin back to terra firma before he plunged into the Bristol Channel.
“Just doing my bit,” Frankie muttered, dusting himself off before wandering out later to score 44 dashing runs and bowl tidily, as if near-death rescues were simply part of the warm-up.
The Run-Fest Begins
Once the heroics were over, the batting began — a carnival of strokeplay:
James Florey: A majestic 74, swinging his bat like a conductor’s baton, as goats on the cliffs nodded appreciatively.
Graeme Coates: 53, a masterclass in elegance so refined the Exec Committee considered serving it on a silver platter.
Frankie Crouch: Already the man of the hour, he contributed a stylish 44 to complement his Presidential life-saving escapades.
Samuel Hicks: 48 not out, batting with the serenity of a man feeding ducks at dawn.
Cameos from Cobham (14), Ross (6), Jefferis (11), Du Plessis (0): some brief, some brutal, one duck-shaped.
All while the crowd grew ever louder — a sea of 60+ SOA supporters, a record crowd powered by tea loaf and faintly questionable cider.
Nick Bishop and the Loaf of Legends
During the first innings, Nick Bishop strode forth like a medieval monk bringing holy relics.
“Loaf for you, sir! Loaf for you, madam! Loaf for all within five miles!”
It was Janice’s tea loaf — dense, moist, possibly bulletproof — handed out with such enthusiasm that ramblers, passing motorists, and confused goats all partook. Some claimed it sharpened reflexes. Ben Jefferis said it mended torn hamstrings.
The Catch of the Century
As the opposition’s innings tottered along, one moment burned itself into cricketing folklore.
A mighty strike headed for the cliffs. The crowd gasped. Hats flew. Someone screamed.
But there stood Samuel Hicks on the boundary.
Calm. Still. Possibly humming.
He extended one casual hand… and plucked the ball from the heavens as though choosing a pear from a tree.
The crowd erupted. Tea loaf flew into the air. An elderly gentleman attempted to start the conga. Statues will one day be erected in Sam’s honour.
Little Rhys and the South Cliff Spectacle
Meanwhile, Little Rhys Coates turned fielding into mountaineering. Scaling the South Cliff with the agility of a caffeinated mountain goat, he retrieved balls, waved at supporters, and possibly rescued a lost hiker on the way back.
His climbing display drew applause so loud the National Trust applied to list it as a heritage event.
Bowling Them Over
SOA’s bowlers sealed the day with ruthless efficiency:
Crouch: 2 wickets, 28 runs — batsman, rescuer, all-purpose superhero.
Ross: 1 wicket, 28 runs — smooth as butter.
Foster: 1 wicket, 33 runs — dependable as a village postman.
Du Plessis: 1 wicket, 12 runs — tighter than a taxman’s wallet.
Jefferis: 1 wicket, 25 runs — brisk and business-like even without working hamstrings
Cobham: 2 wickets, 30 runs — flair and fire.
Florey: 1 wicket, 9 runs — economical enough to impress a Victorian accountant.
Allen: 1 wicket, 20 runs — wrapping it all up neatly.
The opposition collapsed amid chaos, cliff-scaling, and confectionary-fuelled supporters.
Umpiring and Scoring Excellence
Peter Andrews, sporting a newly acquired chin bruise (origin undisclosed but definitely heroic), umpired with wisdom and flair. Every appeal judged with gravitas, occasionally punctuated by sighs and eyebrow wiggles.
Andrew Moss, scoring with artistry rivaling the Old Masters, recorded each run, wicket, and comedic incident with flourish. Legend says his scorebook could double as a modernist art installation.
Final Curtain: SOA Victorious
SOA 261-7
Forty Club 202 all out
Result: SOA won by 59 runs
Over 60 jubilant fans roared from the cliffs as the team marched off. Tea loaf supplies were exhausted, Frankie Crouch signed autographs as local hero, and Sam Hicks, still looking faintly bored by his own miraculous catch, nodded politely at the applause.
It was, without question, the most gloriously ridiculous day in SOA history.
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